There are so many sides to this story that one may get confuse as to the actual objective of the lifting of the ban.

The human rights activists want it removed because it is a violation of human rights of the minority who have a deviant sexual preference.  The fact that there are human rights group that support this is itself puzzling.  Is this a move in the right direction by the human race?  Were we actually designed to have such deviant sexual behaviours?

The UN, however, has a different rationale.  It stated that “Countries which protect men who have sex with men … have double the rate of coverage of HIV prevention services, as much as 60%.” (quoted from http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-9525.html)

So, it seems that there are public health grounds to decriminalise gay sex, as it seem to prevent HIV as these men and women seek preventive services as in their western counterparts.

It seems like the world is moving towards this direction, neglecting not only the religious teachings of almost all major religions, but also against the instinct and nature of Man.  Man was not designed to have homosexual sex – that is the reason why it was considered unnatural.  Religious tests have described how the town of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for their sexual vices, which were primarily homosexual sex.

Many activists would argue that the only way forward for mankind is to start being tolerant to everyone and respect choices made as long as they do not cause harm to the general public.  That, according to this group, is the hallmark of a progressive society.

I beg to differ.  Laws were made for specific reasons.  They were made so that there would be order and so that deviant behaviours would be punished so as to stop their propagation.  Granted, not all laws are perfect and need to be changed with the times as new rationale thinking emerges or new circumstances warrant them; thus the avenue for repealing or amending the law.

However, certain areas are fundamental and does not change with time.  I would not start explaining the cons of homosexuality to the general public – this has been discussed extensively by more qualified individuals and public leaders.

Certain groups are so fixed on promoting rights that they lose sight of what is wrong and what is right.  Homosexuality shall never become right just because more people are adopting it as their way of life – it remains unnatural to the mind, and against our very design.  It is challenging God’s laws, deciding for ourselves what is best for us, rather than what our Creator has decided what is best for us.  The problem with an argument such as mine is that the very people we’re trying to reach out to are the one who would probably ignore God’s words.

And when I say this, I’m not saying that they are all bad.  There are good homosexuals who contribute to the economy, do public and community service – I acknowledge that.  But normal people do that too.  I’m just saying that their homosexuality is against the grain of nature, and the Laws of Nature as laid down by God never changes.  Trying to justify deviant behaviours is like questioning God’s rights OVER US, and God’s WISDOM IN HIS CREATION.

But God gave us intelligence and freedom to choose our paths.  True, but that’s not the end of the sentences.  God gives us intelligence and freedom to choose our paths… but each individual is held accountable for every choice he makes and will be rewarded and punished accordingly.  That’s what the human law was meant to do – the punish those who violate them.

There are of course groups that argue that human laws are artificial – they are a creation of only a group of select people who design and run the constitution.  But what they fail to realise is that most of the laws are adaptations of religious laws – God’s Laws.  And it is not surprising that across religious groups, certain laws and teachings remain the same despite differences in Faith.  One of them is this: HOMOSEXUALITY IS WRONG AND IS A SIN.

Just because the law that man makes can be repealed or amended, it does not mean that the action has suddenly become right.  It has never been right and will never be.  And I wouldn’t even start a religious sermon here, because homosexuals are the very people who have abandoned religion in the first place and such a banter would never appeal to them, not one bit…

1. Singaporeans travel a lot.  And they insist on going to places where there are local community transmission.  So, when do they get back and spread the virus, their response is: How would I know I’d get it? I took all the precautions.  Anyway, we were just strongly advised not to go there – not banned.  So it’s not our fault.

The parallel to this is this:  I strongly advise you not to jump off the 4th floor cos there is a 50% chance that you’ll die, and higher chance that you’ll injure yourself.  And these silly folks decide to jump anyway simply because the chance of mortality and morbidity is not 100%

2. Singapore is very thorough with its screening.  As such, we screen rather aggressively.  So, the fact that Singapore has a marked jump in the number of positive cases compared to the neighbouring countries is not to say that we are unable to contain the local epidemic – it’s just that we are so anal about testing that we do detect the suspect cases.  I can’t comment on other countries because there is no assurance that their screening programme is as aggressive as Singapore’s.  So, while they may have only a handful of positive cases, they may have a substantial number of undiagnosed cases just mingling around in the society, effectively just spreading the disease.  As such, the numbers need to be interpreted in light of the existing screening programme of each individual country.

3. Singaporeans are worrywort and I shall elaborate this below.

So, all the major hospitals now become the screening centres for people who have symptoms suggestive of H1N1.

The definition of a suspect case of H1N1 infection is (as described by CDC here: http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/casedef.htm ):

“A suspected case of novel influenza A (H1N1) virus infection is defined as a person who does not meet the confirmed or probable case definition, and is not novel H1N1 test negative, and is/has:

• a previously healthy person < 65 years hospitalized for ILI

OR

• ILI and resides in a state without confirmed cases, but has traveled to a state or country where there are one or more confirmed or probable cases

OR

At the end of the lesson, my prof asked whether I’ve got a minute to spare to follow him to his office.  He used his neutral tone so I was uncertain as to his intentions.  I could only hope that it’s not something undesirable (admittedly a habit of self-doubt that I ought to abolish should I want to make full use of The Secret).

I’ve never been into his office before, but when I stepped into it, it reminded me of an English study room: carpeted floor, two red reading sofas and a cluttered table and several filled bookshelves.  While this is his office, he has managed to make it feel like his personal room – very warm and cozy – unlike the rooms of other consultants which are more clinical.

He reached out for a book from a shelf behind the door and showed it to me.  It’s a book on emergency airway management by Walls and Murphy (see here: http://www.amazon.com/Manual-Emergency-Airway-Management-Walls/dp/0781784948).

He told me that I would find the book useful.  And he added.  ”I’m not lending this to you. I’m giving this to you. I can see that you’ve a natural talent, and that you’d be able to make good use of this book.”

I was pleasantly surprised.  I never did expect such a gesture from my prof – not that he’s not a gentleman (he is, by the way), but he is also a man of discipline and stature with very high standards and work ethics.   So, his recognition of my “talent” is an affirmation that I’ve done something right… consistently.  While not trying to appear needy, his acknowledgement of my work really warms me all over.

As I walked out of his office, I wondered about what had happened.  Is it the Law of Attraction at work?  Maybe, but I’ve been having self-doubt of late as my coping mechanism kicks in nearing my exam, so the only vibes I’m emitting are hardly positive.

I guess, even in the bleakest moment, and even when all I’m supposed to attract are anything but good, there’s a singular force at work that we seem to neglect and forget… and this is not the Law of Attraction at work… I believe this is God nudging me back to the right path.

Now, I’m ready to harness the power of the Secret…

I got myself an Evo because it is a fast performance car.  It has a smooth engine that wouldn’t think twice about blazing down the road in mind-numbing speeds that would put other performance cars like the M3, Audi TT, GTI to shame, despite it being just a Japanese car.  It is afterall, a thoroughbred in the world rally.

It has a top speed of 300, though the authorities have capped it at 180km/h out of the factory, knowing very well that WE, the performance car drivers, will ultimately cut the speed limiter.

The problem is that I live in Singapore.  There are probably less than 500 Evo X’s in Singapore and we have been stereotyped, along with other Evox, WRX/STIs.  Not too long ago, the traffic police cracked down an underground racing scene in Singapore, affectionately known as Orchard Gudang, paying reference to the famous racing strip in Malaysia, Pasir Gudang.  And the cars that were involved?  You guessed it: primarily Evos and STIs.

Subsequently, the media picked up on the issue, essentially stereotyping ALL performance car drivers as adrenaline-driven, civically-irresponsible, law breaking, illegal modifiers who love to race their cars from light to light.

I was hurt, and still am.

And these are the reasons why:

1. On the road, “ordinary” sedan cars and family MPVs that break speed limits and flaunt traffic rules far outnumber us.  In fact, most of the time, I drive within the speed limit because I know that given a chance, if a TP were to see an Evo and a Civic both speed at 120km/h, the Evo would be flagged simply because of the stereotype that has been pasted on us.  It’ll be the bang for the buck because we would be expected to have committed other offences like illegally modifying our cars.

2.  Being performance cars, our cars are built for the speed.  We have advance stability and suspensions systems as well as a chassis meant to withstand the rigours of speeding and going round corners.  The other wannabe’s don’t.  Yes they may add turbo to their cars, change their exhaust and improve the intake, and feel that they are on par with an Evo or STI but in no way are they even as safe as our cars.  So, with reference to point 1, the TP had better stop the speeding Civic because if anything, the Civic is gonna cause more damage to itself and others should it crash.

The Evo forum provide many stories of how we are targeted constantly.  It is sort of like a support group.  We even advise each other on what modifications are legal.  So, if there are anyone who breaks the law, then, chances are, he does it out of his own volition and at his own detriment.  So, please don’t stereotype us Evo drivers.  We have a passion for fast cars (and yes, we can afford our babies but that doesn’t mean that we would like to the government coffers through unnecessary fines), so don’t fault us for that.  Most of us are law-abiding.

I brought up this topic cos I had a nightmare yesterday that I was stopped by a cop, while going in the middle lane going at 90km/h simply because I drive an Evo X.

I think the authorities have to stop stereotyping us and start looking out for the real culprits – the wannabes, and there are plenty of them.  You don’t have to look far – they are not the one who are always on the rightmost lane; they are the ones who weave in and out of traffic simply because they are small enough to do that.

Oh, and of course, don’t forget the illegal parkers, but that’s another story altogether.

LA attributed this to the media, proposing that its many unrealistic potrayal of how people fall in love may have affected the dating habits of more and more singles – they believe that a happy ending can be gotten by chance.

Well, I believe that the conclusion is reasonable, but I also believe that there are many other factors to consider.  And this is the result of not just the media, but by a population that has rapidly progressed – financially, intellectually and culturally.

I reckon that there are other more important factors exerting a strong force on the decisions made by singles.

1. Work commitments

My dad got married at 25.  I’m 30 and attached but I don’t feel that I’m committed to my relationship yet cos I’m more committed to my work.  I have exams and tutorials (work feels like undergraduate work all over again), and at the end of a shift, I’m just too exhausted and bumped out to have a proper date with my girlfriend.  Some of my friends are not even attached as they just couldn’t find the opportunity to migle with anyone OUTSIDE of the medical fraternity.  And the medical fraternity does not have as wide a choice as the whole of Singapore, so the picky ones almost definitely would not find that someone that might like.

2. Sowing my royal oats

As crude as it may sound, one of the perks of not getting attached is that one can have countless flings without the guilt.  Sure, infidelity is perhaps a rampant phenomenon despite it being hush-hush still in Singapore.  One would rather be called a Player than a Cheater.

Oh, and don’t think this applies to guys only.  Our fairer counterpart has also jumped onto the bandwagon as they realise how nice it is to be serviced by so many men who desire them.  It’s a win-win proposition.  I’m sure there are many who would adopt the moral high-ground and condemn me for this, but realise this: I’m just laying down the reality and not promoting it.  Suck it up and deal with it.

3. Someone better out there phenomenon

This is perhaps one of the biggest killer ever.  One may find someone nice and acceptable but no perfect, and he/she gets totally put off, hoping that there’d be someone better out there.  Is he/she being unreasonable?  No, I don’t think so!  Everyone has the right to continue finding the best person for him/herself, albeit at his/her detriment if he/she stalls for too long.  The phrase paralysis by analysis is quite apt here – there are pros and cons to everything.  It’s just how much one is willing to gamble.

Take me as an example:  My girlfriend is a voluptuous hotty.  She is diploma graduate and works as a nurse.  She cares for me a lot but throws the regular girl tantrums sometimes.  She doesn’t do anything beyond her work and likes to spend her time out with her friends playing Scrabble or bitching around.  As such, we can hardly talk about world issues or engage in intellectual banter.  So, when we do go out, it’s a meal, maybe movie, shopping, etc.  The sex is phenomenal.

Do I think there’s someone better out there? You bet, I do! A graduate who is beautiful and sexy, and who reads the daily paper and knows what’s happening around the world.  Who dresses well and carries herself in a respectable manner.  Who is rational most of the time without succumbing to her PMS too often.  I’m sure she’s out there.  So, why am i still with my nurse girlfriend?  Because, as I’ve mentioned above, we hardly meet someone outside the medical fraternity, so…

4. Self-esteem issues

Believe it or not, despite being a doctor, wearing a congenial demeanour and, if I must say, having flirted with so many women in my life, I still have self-esteem issues.  I’ve never directly asked any girl to be my girlfriend – we just transition into it… after acknowledging some form of compatibility in the sack ;p

That’s one reason why, despite acknowledging that I don’t meet enough women outside the medical fraternity, I procrastinate joining dating agencies like Lunch Actually or It’s Just Lunch (notwithstanding the fact that as an ED doctor, my lunches are 15mins, and there is no way the agencies can find a fit for me). 

I’m 1.67m, look a tad younger than my age, smile too much, can’t tell jokes even if my life depends on it, and pathologically shy (right, who am I kidding?).  I somehow feel that I don’t deserve to go out with an intelligent and gorgeous woman.  It’s a stumbling block that has only me to blame.

So, there you have it.  The reasons above ought to take some blame off the media.  The above are just observations, coupled with some deduction work (like why the birth rates are still low but abortion rates are getting higher).  There may be other reasons, and i’m sure there are… but I guess I was just telling you mine…

The lyrics come as second nature to me, having heard it hundreds of times.  It’s a guy relating the story of how he found out that his woman was cheating on him.  It was thus a sad song masquerading behind a very upbeat tune.  I get very emotional listening to the song and sometimes imagine myself being the person who gets cheated.

This realisation hit me today: I’ve been listening to a song about being cheated and I get emotionally charged when I listen to it.  It’s as though the essence of the song is perpetually around me.

Then it dawned on me: The Secret!

Yes, and I realise why I’m having so much difficulty in my relationship.  That I’m so afraid that my girlfriend would cheat on me.

My girlfriend is a beautiful nurse with a rocking hot body.  But there’s only 1 problem.  She has many guy friends AND many guy admirers.  So, during the many times when I was engaged at work and she’s got too much time in her hands (we work shifts, so most of the time our shifts are at odds), she would go out with her guy friends.  Now, I’m pretty sure that her guy friends have crushes on her, and she seems to be ok with that.  She keep reassuring me that she doesn’t feel the same way to these guys.  But she does complain how we seldom meet up the way other couples do.

Not too long ago, we had a quarrel with regards to our relationship (or seemingly lack thereof since I work too much).  Out of the blue, she retorted: “Do you even know that I cheated on you? You’re so busy and you trust me so much that it doesn’t even occur to you. You didn’t expect that coming, did you?”

I was stunned.  And I enquired more.  To cut a long story short, she recanted saying that she wanted me to leave her because she couldn’t take it anymore, but insisted that she never ever cheated on me.

The thought remains in my head.  We’re in great terms now after I did some shaping up on my side if the relationship and quit taking up so many shifts.  While I know my girlfriend wouldn’t cheat (she despised the idea of cheating), I still can’t get it out of my head.  I’m not certain, even till now!

Then yesterday, while I was listening to Rialto, all the pieces seem to fit into places.  No, it’s not that my girlfriend cheated on me, but the whole circumstance happened because by me loving the song, I sent out a signal to the universe and created an environment that is totally not conducive to a healthy relationship.  Even if the thought is: I hate or don’t want to be cheated, the Law of Attraction responds by injecting an element of “cheating” in my relationship, whether it truly is present or not.

Will I continue listening to the song? Probably.  But it won’t be my number 1 song anymore…

I’m a 30 year-old guy, who spends 75% of his time working or studying, and the rest of his time either relaxing in front of the tevo, sleeping or dricing trying to get to another working destination.

I don’t have pictures of having fun with my colleagues, or with my girlfriend (whom I pity so much in this relationship) or my family.

I went out with my family last week for dinner after so many months, and I enjoyed it.  We just had a simple dinner and we talked and talked, cos we hardly talk at home.  Not from lack of trying, but because of my social distancing habits that I develop.

As a doctor, I spend so much time talking to patients and people, that I cherish my personal time – quiet time for myself.  I thus enjoy my long drives, my meals alone and watching Scrubs over and over again. 

But being alone  goes against the very nature of mankind.  Man is a social creature.  We yearn social interaction, yet my inclination is to keep to myself.  The internal battle – nurture vs instinct – ensues and continues endlessly, resulting in this “feeling bad” phenomenon.

I’ve learnt from watching The Secret, that there is essentially 2 kinds of feelings: feeling good and feeling bad, and they may be packaged in whatever fashio.  Good feelings include happiness, love, hope, and examples of Bad feelings are despair, guilt, hopelessness.

Well, hopelessness and loneliness is what I’m feeling, and despair is not too far behind everytime I convince myself that whatever I’m feeling will not be ceasing anytime soon.

The fact is, I’m missing something from my life.  I have put too much focus on my career that I’ve become a pathological workaholic.  The proverbial poor rich – rich on the outside but poor in everything else: relationships, fond memories and contentment.  Referring back to The Secret, this situation is hardly what they’d call being abundant!

But life is meant to be abundant!  Yet, I conasciously choose to limit my source of abundance.  There is a silver lining though.  That I feel  not in sync with my lifestyle shows that my emotional guidance system is working.  My emotion is trying to protect me and telling me that something is not right and there is something that I need to rectify.

But I must be careful.  I musn’t dwell too much in my faults.  Rather, I should be focusing on what I want.  The Law of Attraction states that whatever I think about most will manifest, even if I’m trying to reject it.

So, what do I want?  The universe is my catalogue and I feel dizzy with needs and wants… so here goes (and this is just an abbreviated list).

1. A happy family with a rich relationship and lots of fond memories.
2. A challenging job that provides enough stimulus to drive me forward and provide me with enough earnings to lead the lifestyle I long for.
3. Travelling opportunities to meet new people and experience new cultures.
4. Happy moments with my girlfriend.
5. A healthy physique that would allow me to do whatever I want.
6. An inquisitive and creative mind that will allow me to continuously improve myself so that I may help others around me.
7. Abundant opportunities to help people like me to lead a better life.

I’m leaving out the small things like owning my condominium and sporstcars… They seem minute compared to the above (but I still want them).

But most of all, I want to be happy -  it’s been a while since I was truly happy without any worries to invade my mind.  Yeah, I was happy when I went travelling, but nearing the end, it just fades away as I realise that I’d have to go back to the stressful routine of my work.  I want to be happy most of the time, and if my job is to occupy the majority of my time, I’d like to be happy in it.

Find another job!  The urge is so strong I can’t even begin to explain, but, something holds me back, and I’m really not trying to take the moral high ground here, but if everyone leaves the emergency department, who’s going to manage it?  Another batch of unhappy people who will ultimately leave, leaving behind another batch of unhappy people, who will ultimately leave.. ok, we’ve been through that.

I must first remove this guilt of leaving my current job to find one that suits me, that is in sync with me.

Just for the purpose of reflecting, I shall tell you why I don’t like my job:

1. Everyone is stretched literally to the maximum, as Singaporeans indiscriminately utilise the ED for even the simplest of problems despite the $90 fee we impose on them (and they complain!)
2. We do not get guaranteed break times like everyone else in this civilise working world.
3. We are expected to be human (caring , empathetic, professional), yet at the same time inhuman (cannot show frustration, cannot go for break to eat or rest even if we’re half dead)
4. I compare with another friend in another medical field or even outside the medical field altogether and they have such a better life.  The Equity Theory reveals itself very nicely here.  Why should I be working harder yet be paid the same or lesser?  Which is why I always resent the lawyers, accountants and engineers.  You don’t see doctors in the list of the top earners in Singapore.

There are more reasons but I choose to stop here because it’s beginning to be emotionally-consuming.

But that’s my life story.  Then again, I’m reminded by what The Secret expounds: I am not unique, I am not the only one with the problem or the complaints.  There are lots of dysfunctional people out there.  This realisation is implrtant because it moves the perspective from ourselves (myself) and make me consider that there are perhaps others who are worse off than me.

And thus the need for gratitude – something I hardly practise.

Gratitude is supposed to put us in a state of joy and happiness because it makes us realise that we had more good in out lives than we previously thought we had.  People are usually unhappy because they don’t believe that life is fair towards them, but once they count the number of things that can be thankful about, they will start to think differently.

I write what I’ve written to distill what I’ve learnt from The Secret.  Truly, while the Law is easy to comprehend, it is difficult to implement, especially without reinforcement.  As such, I’ve been watching The Secret over and over again to internalise the teachings.  I’ve not fully grasped the technique to successfully implement The Secret, but I’m on my way.

The road to happiness is just in front of me, waiting for me to take the first step…

The current H1N1 panic has resulted in a change of protocol, such that no visitors are allowed to see the patients.  To allay worries, they are constantly updated of the patients’ conditions on a somewhat regular interval.  Sometimes, the ED resuscitation area can get very busy and the doctor may miss updating the relative, and the latter will get agitated –  a common phenomenon.

So, this was what had happened.  The visitor had waited for over 2 hours and only updated once by the doctor (I honestly was not certain who the doctor was) and was demanding to see the patient.  The security officer informed him of the policy but he was not satisfied with it, and the officer became the brunt of the visitor’s frustration.

I honestly believed that the visitor has a case – relatives should always be updated so that they will not feel lost and anxious.  It is communication 101.

The gist is this: the doctor must understand and empathize with the patient and their relatives and must do whatever is necessary to show that he cares.  We have to understand if the patient and his relative is angry, unreasonable or anxious – they are just reacting to the situation. They are, afterall, humans.

However, doctors are not allowed to be human.  We cannot show that we are tired, angry or hungry.  Regardless of how we feel, we must be professional and compassionate.  We must accept all abuse because the actions of the patient and relatives are expected.  If anything goes wrong in a communication that results in an unexpected outcome, the blame primarily or solely lies on the doctor because he should have known better how to control the situation.  He is, afterall, not expected to be human, and supposed to be at the top of his game all the time regardless of how he humanly feels.

But let’s get back to the story.  As I said, the visitor had a case – the doctor attending to his loved one had not updated him the second time.  The doctor, I’m quite certain, must be sipping soda and watching a soap opera on the many TVs in the resuscitation area.  And the many people outside the resuscitation area is, of course, not an indication of how busy the ED is – people just like to be there to enjoy the scenery.

But the thing that pissed me off was when the visitor said this to the security officer: “You’re working for the hospital – you’re just a servant. I’m a guest of this hospital, so you’re just a servant to me!”

My, oh my. Does that make me his servant too? I do work for the hospital too.

Of course, the rest of the people who witnessed the scene just enjoyed the commotion – the typical Singaporean attitude.

I could see that the security officer was fuming inside but he just kept quiet – it is not his place to argue with a guest of the hospital; they are right always! I do, however, wonder what the other visitors feel.

Do Singaporeans truly feel that just because they pay for a service to a civil servant, that means that they can treat us as their servants?  I believe Singaporeans do believe so.  Singaporeans believe in the power of the money: that if I pay, I own you!

What have we become…?

Consequently, I tend to keep my problems to myself. I hardly talk to anyone about it, except perhaps to my best friend. So, when she doesn’t understand me, I have no one else to turn to for affirmation but myself.

I have many friends, but when I do meet up with them, I’ll be the one who’ll be listening intently to the stories the rest have to tell, and will only speak when spoken to.

Over time, this cultivated personality has resulted in frustrations. I’ve realised this but the transformation will take time.  In the mean time, this blog will be a wonderful place to pen my thoughts.  Don’t get the wrong idea – I’m not using this as an emotional dump.  Rather, I’m using this as a platform to share my ideas, believes, observations, and more.

Sharing, of course, means that it’s optional.  No one is obliged to agree and everyone is entitled to one’s own opinion.  The rule here is respect for another’s point of view.

Everyone grows up in a very unique environment, and as such, develop their very own worldview or weltanschauung.  The worldview affects an individual’s belief and moulds his opinions on different areas of life.  Most people see this as grounds for argument, for I see this as grounds for understanding, and thus, the need for sharing.

Sharing means that we are open to the views of others and it helps us to broaden our own worldview.  Take a school dropout for example.  Many would summarily dismiss them as lazy, without goals and to some extent a burden to society.  But if we were not too close-minded and learn about the reasons behind, we might understand the many causes behind dropping out, and realise that not all of them are bad or out of freewill.  This will then change our views about them.

But why do we want to change our views about them – the end point is similar: they’re still a burden?  Because, if we take the effort to learn, to change our views, then we can be part of the solution by helping, in whatever capacity we can, to identify the root problems and rectify them.  Remember, no matter how high up the pedestal you may be, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re still part of the problem which you despise so much.

That does not mean that there are the more superior and inferior groups.  All of us have our own set of idiosyncratic problems, and somewhere out there is someone who, by social definition, may be less off than you, but have the solution to your specific problem.

So, share… and that’s what I’m trying to do.  Hopefully, problems – both mine and others – can be eliminated.  It may not be verbal, but it definitely beats keeping quiet as I wallow in silence…